sometimes
it takes me a moment
to realize
that I’m in hell
I see the one
who is so afraid to die
from hunger
so afraid to feel
what erupts
from the belly
through the throat
that she grabs
whatever
she can
to stuff into her mouth
knowing
that as soon as the stomach
is occupied
she will be judged
unlovable
she will want
to rid herself
of what has settled there
there is only failure
either way
when the mouth
and the stomach
are opposed
to the urges
of the other
there is no escape
from this choosing
in order
to maintain life
to eat or not
the when
the what
the suffering is not
from too much
or too little
but from
the both at once
the predicament
presses upon my Soul
but I cannot find
a way out
I am weeping
from sorrow
from the taste
of this unbearable razor
which would slice you open
in an instant
I am wondering
whether this
is the extent of it
the definition
of my human incarnation
I am wondering
whether a trembling breeze
will whisper my name
whether I will know
anything different
a welcome glow
in friendly flavors
shimmering rose gold
a display of rainbows
fierce emerald green
I am wondering
from whence this salvation
could possibly arise
and I look down
with a start
as I realize
that this light
is indeed emanating
from my own heart
a tender rose
unwinding
pulsating
to meet the moment
nothing more
than that
though that be
more than enough
to break the spell
of thinking that
the impossible choice
is who I Am
